Treat your apostrophes nicely

Spotted on my way to work this morning:

Hold childrens hands on the stairs.

Slab’s and paving’s.

Maybe all the misplaced apostrophes in the world make up for the missing ones? I prescribe a large dose of Lynne Truss ...

Don't do what these companies did ...

Here are a few stories about slogans from international companies which, I’ve heard, didn’t turn out exactly as planned.

Orange had to drop its “The future’s bright … the future’s Orange” slogan from use in Northern Ireland, where its implication that the future was Orange (that is, Protestant) sat very uncomfortably with the Catholic population.

The Scandinavian vacuum-cleaner people Electrolux were either very brave or very silly when they launched their slogan in America: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux”.

It’s rumoured that Reed swiftly dropped an ill-conceived tagline from its Business Information service that read, “If it’s news to you, it’s news to us”.

The Chinese translation of KFC’s “Finger Lickin’ Good” came out as a rather unappetising, “Eat your fingers off”.

Another slogan that suffered a mangled translation was Pepsi’s “Come alive with the Pepsi generation”. In the Taiwanese dialect it promised, “Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead”.

The “Turn it loose” slogan by Coors translated into Spanish as “Suffer from diarrhoea”, while the Dairy Association’s “Got milk?” campaign ended up asking, “Are you lactating?”

Spanish has proved tricky for many an advertising agency, it seems, because Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, “It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken” translated as, “It takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate”.

Another Spanish mix-up occurred when Parker launched a pen in Mexico with a slogan that was supposed to mean, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you”. The translation reassuringly said, “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant”.

Build a slogan for your business

I've been writing a newsletter to send out to clients and prospectors, giving lots of helpful hints about marketing, design and SEO. If you'd like a free copy, just email me at marie@icebluemd.co.uk.

Meanwhile, here's a sneak preview ...

BANG, and the dirt is gone! You don’t need to be as annoying as the Cillit Bang man to make your product memorable. Carefully constructed, a slogan or tagline is a brilliant way to help you create and sustain a name for your business. Where would the world’s favourite Beanz be if they didn’t mean Heinz? Can you imagine Just Doing It in any other trainers?
But slogans are not a product of magic, and nor do they bounce into the marketplace from nowhere, making the whole world shout “Wasssssup?!” or sing about being “a minty bit stronger”. Slogans are not written – they’re crafted and nurtured – and because you’re worth it, we’ve devised ten simple steps to help you create your own.

It takes a bit of thinking, though, so make sure you’ve had your Weetabix before we begin ...

Step 1. Write down all the words and phrases that relate to your business. Include words that describe the benefits to your customers and your unique selling points – like “quick turnaround”, “friendly”, “innovative products” or just “simply brilliant”. Use a big sheet of paper and a chunky pen if you’re the kind of person who likes to see ideas grow. Then grab a thesaurus (use http://www.thesaurus.com/ if you like) and scribble down every related word. Discard nothing at this stage – however silly – and don’t worry if you have a list of a hundred. Like the Duracell bunny, you should just keep going and going and going.

Step 2. Do your company’s tyres never tire? Is your team’s collective brain teeming with ideas? Are you looking to hire staff with higher aspirations? Look at your list of words and see whether any of them have a homonym – that’s a word which is spelt differently but sounds the same. Don’t worry if your ideas are cheesy (After all, “It’s not easy being cheesy,” said Chester the Cheetos Cheatah), just note ‘em all down.

Step 3. See whether any of your words could form part of a saying, cliché or motto. Again, don’t judge them too unkindly – just jot them onto your sheet of paper. Take inspiration from the success of Citibank with “The Citi never sleeps” or the Yellow Pages’ “Let your fingers do the walking” and don’t be afraid to go a little off the wall.

Step 4. Think about your customers and what characterises them. Are they discerning and money savvy? Or affluent and short of time? What sort of things do they like? Look for combinations of these with other words and phrases you’ve already come up with, especially when they have alliteration. So if you’re running a kitsch café, with a busy, young clientele, something like “Chic as chips” or “Breakfast faster” might suit your business.

Step 5. Throw your business name (and even your own name, if you’re the owner) into the mix. Can you make any puns or catchy lines that suit what you’re trying to convey, or persuade people to do? “Get the Abbey habit” was a success for Abbey National … can you take inspiration from this?

Step 6. Now add words and phrases that imply mastery and excellence – however quirky – like goddess, grand, king, lord, master, mighty, number one, prince, queen bee, top, and so on. Have fun playing around with rhyme and alliteration: could your gold-jewellery stall have the tagline “Kings of Bling”? How about “We’re the top bananas” for a greengrocer, or “Get yourself goddess gorgeous” for a beauty salon?

Step 7. Try to reach the core of what your customers need when they use your business, and offer the solution in your slogan. “We’ll tame the chaos” or “Let us take the pain out of painting” could be taglines for a house makeover company or decorating firm. What else do your customers seem to need? Think of heart-warming past campaigns, like Interflora’s “Say it with flowers” and BT’s “It’s good to talk” – or cleverly combine a feature with a benefit, like IKEA’s “Make yourself at home”.

Step 8. Return to your master list of words and have fun messing around with alliteration (“Put a tiger in your tank”), sound (“Snap! Crackle! Pop!”), or rhymes and near-rhymes (“Beanz Meanz Heinz”). You can be cheeky (remember “Australians won’t give a XXXX for anything else” for Castlemaine lager and “Hello Boys” for Wonderbra?), turn a business maxim on its head (“Think small” for Volkswagen) or suggest the cost of not using your product (“Because so much is riding on your tyres” for Michelin). You could even draw inspiration from your logo, like Frosties’ “Bring out the Tiger in you”. Be as silly as you like – the important thing is to give the creative part of your brain a workout.

Step 9. When you’ve come up with a handful of slogans you like, subject them to a few tests. Are they pronounceable and easy to spell? Concise? Distinctive? (“Quality fine furniture” doesn’t tell us much, now does it?) Would they communicate your brand effectively? A punchy slogan is meaningless if it doesn’t strengthen your business image. Do they sound pleasing to the ear, or could they be misconstrued? (People still argue as to whether “Sofa King Low” prices were the work of marketing genius or just plain offensive … just say it out loud a few times to decide for yourself.) And most of all, do you like what you’ve come up with?

Step 10. Test, test and test again. Read your slogans aloud to people and check that they “get them”. Ditch the ones you feel embarrassed saying out loud – you need to be proud of your final product, and happy to plaster it all over your website, company literature and business cards. And finally, when you’ve decided on the winner, do just that: plaster it all over your website, company literature and business cards. If it’s a true representation of who you really are, it will stick.

And like BMW, you’ve just built the “ultimate driving machine” to carry your branding forward. Congratulations!

What did you come up with? Email marie@iceblue.co.uk and let me know how you got on. Still stuck? IceBlue runs free workshops to build a slogan for your business, or even help you dream up a brilliant name (with branding to match) that attracts exactly the customers you want. Just phone Marie on 01384 563050 to find out when the next one’s taking place.

Always take a positive stance

Now then. I’m so busy writing copy for our clients (which is, of course, the best part of my job and the reason I’m here), that I’m not getting time to update this blog. But I really want to keep a record of everything I’m learning, and share some copywriting thoughts as I go. So here’s to a new resolution … a very short entry every few days.

This tip comes from the Advanced Copywriting Workshop I attended at the Institute of Direct Marketing last week, with John Wallace as the tutor. And it’s simple:

Be wary of “negatives” in your writing – you might alienate somebody. When my partner and I started writing some advertising copy for a Miele washing machine, our creative stance (if it deserves such a fancy title) ran along the lines of, “OK, so buying a washing machine might not be the most exciting thing you’ll do this year … “

“But wait!” said John. “What about the one customer who’s genuinely excited about buying a washing machine? Don’t put doubts in their mind.”

Ah yes. So for the washing-machine-phile out there, we adopted a new stance (“Washing capacity, spin speed, energy rating, drying capacity. You might really love choosing your new washing machine, but at Miele we’ll make sure you won’t have to do it again for a long, long, long time … “), and were amazed by how much more positive it sounded.

PS. Get them at the end!

Oops – I’m not getting much time to update this, am I? We’re launching a new search engine optimisation campaign – SEO therapy for websites – and like a virtual housewife, I want to get IceBlue’s website word-perfect before inviting a deluge (fingers crossed!) of visitors to click through to see what we offer. I’ve re-written all the copy for the site, and next week I plan to start pestering the IT guys to install Dreamweaver and InDesign on my laptop so I can see how it looks online. Copy seems to read differently in print, in a Word document and via a web browser – or maybe that’s just me?

Anyway, Mel and I attended another course this week: Direct Marketing for Newcomers. It was a great starting point for both of us, with plenty of accessible theory delivered by Kate Saunders. Suddenly we know who those mysterious Problem Children are, and why we want them to become Cash Cows. And how to perform a SWOT analysis, taking the PESTs into account. Yep.

From a copywriting point of view, it was great for me: another step in my journey from feature writer to copywriter. Although the skills required probably overlap, I’m definitely starting to think like a marketer now.

So! Here is the best copywriting tip I picked up that day:

When writing a direct-marketing letter, remember that the postscript is a great selling opportunity. Studies have shown that the first thing people do when they receive a DM shot is to look at the signature and the PS at the end. So use it! Re-emphasise the benefits of your product, stress the urgency of your offer (although don’t come on too strong), or inspire your reader to phone you.

Marie

PS. Have a great weekend!

Give good email

Hello

My colleague and new friend Mel and I were on a two-day course at the Institute of Direct Marketing in Keira Knightley’s strutting ground of Teddington last week, learning everything you could possibly need to know about ‘Effective Email Marketing’. All the other delegates worked for high-profile companies (Adidas, Virgin Atlantic, Sony, Royal SunAlliance – eeeek!), but instead of being intimidated, Mel and I got our thinking heads on, tucked into the cream cakes and felt grateful that we work for a small company. Instead of being lost in a sprawling corporate puzzle, we have a big input into everything that happens at IceBlue, which makes us feel responsible, accountable, and happy to be learning new tricks and techniques every week.

We learnt loads about direct and email marketing on the course (current legislation, browser issues, testing and deliverability, and so on), but as I’m keeping this blog on the copywriting side of the street, here are seven top tips for writing great email copy. Because I don’t want to get into design (and rendering and graphics and usability) issues, please keep plain-text email in mind as you think of these:

1. Write to be scanned, not read. Look up Jakob Nielsen’s classic usability test of how people read online (clue: they don’t) - http://www.useit.com/alertbox/9710a.html - and learn from it.

2. Stick to the principle of one idea per paragraph, and use subheadings and bullet-points to break up chunks of information.

3. When dreaming up subject lines, make them hold the promise of useful information. Offering lists of things (’10 easy ways to make money’), asking questions (‘Is your business set to fly?’) and using punchy, intriguing headlines (‘Profits: our marketing guru reveals all’) are the best ways to coax a clickthrough out of your readers. Important: if you promise something, though, you must deliver it. Don’t annoy people, or worst of all, get written off as a spammer.

4. Keep subject lines to fewer than 45 characters – www.emaillabs.com/tools/from-subject-line-tool.html lets you preview your subject and ‘from’ line for various email clients.

5. Make your readers compelled to click back to your website. Saying ‘click here’ isn’t always the best way - always consider your readers using text-to-speech software. More imaginative calls-to-action (‘learn more’, browse our special offers’, ‘find out how’) are often stronger.

6. Be succinct. Remember this advice from Steve Krug of Don’t Make Me Think: “Get rid of half the words on each page, then get rid of half of what’s left”.

7. Think like a journalist and write in an inverted-pyramid style, with the main points summarised in the opening paragraph. That way, if people see your email in their preview box, at least you’ve got the good bits in first.

Happy emailing!

Marie

ps. I must be one of the only people in the whole world who welcomes those bizarre, robot-generated spam emails for Viagra and Cialis. The names they’re sent under (let me see now – names like Lionel Slaughter, Koji McShane, Rosemary Dowdy, Harley Kelly, Marlena Riff) are perfect for inspiring new character ideas for short stories and future novels …

Be nice to your readers

Here's a version of the copywriting guide I've written for our clients ...

How to write great copy for your website

People are lazy when reading from their computer screens, so it’s important to keep your writing brief and relevant. A big chunk of text can scare away web visitors, who tend to prefer short paragraphs and lots of ‘white space’. Give meaningful titles to pages, and stick to the principle of one idea per paragraph. Subheadings give your readers a quick and easy overview to a page, while bullet-points are a friendly way to break down complex information.

Think about your users’ goals. Websites often pick up where adverts left off, and your visitors have come to learn more about your business. Think about the kinds of questions they will have, and make sure they can find the answers easily. Deal with your most relevant points towards the top of the page (this will help search engines, too) and always keep accessibility issues in mind. If someone is using text-to-speech software to browse your site, saying ‘click here’ won’t be helpful to them.

Think about your ‘voice’

The text on your website plays a key role in building your brand. Whatever tone you choose to adopt – chatty, authoritative, reassuring or witty – make sure it reflects your brand’s personality and talks directly to your customers. Get to know who they are. Be conversational, welcoming and straightforward in your choice of words, using ‘you’ and ‘your’ lots to speak to your reader.

Try to use the AIDA principle:
* Grab people’s Attention with a simple, catchy heading
* Hold their Interest with easy-to-read, engaging writing about your product or service
* Make them Desire your product by listing benefits, answering questions and giving testimonials
* Inspire them to Action (buying!) by summing up the great things about your product.

Keep it simple

Ditch the thesaurus – don’t bother with ‘remunerate’ when ‘pay’ is just as good, or ‘authorise’ when you just mean ‘let’. Think about the keywords that might drive users to your site from search engines, but be wary of confusing people with jargon. Short, everyday words are best of all.

Be succinct, by editing again and again. Get rid of unnecessary words: sometimes quantifiers like ‘very’ and ‘really’ can weaken what you’re trying to say (compare ‘I love you’ with ‘I really love you’ – which one makes you suspicious?). Stay consistent: is it five pm or 5pm or 5 p.m.? And don’t rely on your computer’s spellchecker: find a fresh pair of human eyes to proofread your writing for you.

Don’t try to be poetic

You don’t need to use flowery, prosaic language to write well: good writing makes people forget that they’re reading. Avoid obvious clichés (like the plague – groan!) and try to use the active voice rather than the passive. ‘We can help you achieve your goals’ has more impact than, ‘Your goals can be achieved with help from us.’

Check your spelling and grammar meticulously, but don’t be afraid to bend the stodgier rules. Contrary to what your English teacher might have said, it’s OK to start sentences with ‘And’ and ‘But’. But – and here’s an important message – don’t use too many capitals OR IT WILL SEEM LIKE YOU’RE SHOUTING, and remember that lots of exclamation marks look ridiculous!!!!!

Most importantly of all, keep your writing style natural, and let it reflect the unique voice of your company. And if you still need help, please feel free to contact me.